Last Saturday I presented at “2009 It Takes A Village” conference held at University of San Diego. Before my session at 11:00 a.m., there was a morning keynote speech by my mentor Pamela Dunn. She talked about how important it is for parents to foster our kids’ imagination so they can create the lives they desire. Since the day before, I have been attending another advanced course offered by Global Relationship Center called “Learning and Protection”, and my heart was already wide open compared to normal workdays – I even got teary when she played a short, heart-warming clip on the screen at the beginning of her speech(she said that it’s a trick to get the audience open their hearts, because once their hearts are open, you can say anything to them and it’ll be fine). Her speech really had a huge impact on me. Towards the end of her speech, she had the audience all get up, walk around in the auditorium and meet with other attendees one by one. Pam asked us to look at the person in front of us in his or her eyes, and say “I believe in you”. We did that for good 10 minutes or so, and I got more than dozen people telling me that they believed in me, and I telling them. During the time we were doing it, I was calm, in a sense that I didn’t get emotional or anything, even though there were some people who were in tears. For those that have taken Redirecting Children’s Behavior course, the exercise was similar to the concept of an “Encouragement Feast”, in a sense that it has a positive affect of boosting one’s self esteem. However, I didn’t think there was anything emotional or moving about it during the exercise – until it was done and I sat down. As soon as Pam had us all go back to our seats and I sat down, I felt like crying.
Ever since I had decided to be a life coach and a parenting educator, to leave my current job, and to be on my own, I had shared my hopes and dreams with some people, but not everyone around me. I have been really careful not to share my plans with just anyone, because I was afraid of their negative judgments. As it turns out, this “withholding information” was one of my protections. I’d withheld certain information, about my hopes and dreams in particular, from certain people, so I won’t get judged by them – or rather, so I don’t have to face their potentially negative judgments. I knew that I couldn’t control what other people think, but if I didn’t tell them what I’ve been up to, I would never find out what they actually think of me or my plans – and what I don’t know couldn’t hurt me. For the most part, those negative judgements are created in my own head, but I also recently experienced one of those negative judgements directly expressed in person – an acquaintance told me that she doesn’t approve of my starting a new business while I’m still holding my current day job. During this past weekend, it became really clear to me that I had a limiting belief around being negatively judged and it is preventing me from sharing my hopes and dreams, mainly because of the fear. I was told that when you are being negatively judged by other people, it could mean that you are stepping out of your comfort zone and are growing up. When I experienced “I believe in you” exercise, I realized that I need to focus on those people who are telling me that they believe in me, and most of all, I need to believe in myself. I think that “I believe in you” is one of the most powerful phrases you can say to another person, possibly right after “I love you”. If you have kept up with reading my blog until now, I would like to thank you for your following me and listening to what I have to say. Thank you. I need you to keep believing in me. And I believe in you too.